Happy Valentine's... Not!

How often do a person usually blog? I have not been away but for a while I decided not to complain about life. In fact, I didn't even want to reflect upon what was going on with my life. I think I still love my man but... more often these days... I just wish someone would sweep me off my feet, charm my unmentionables off or I wouls simply settle for a little attention and kindness...

Attentiveness. Most guys out there don't get what we want. I am not asking for 24/7 kind of attention. Most of us can't live with such constant, unrelenting attention but we do like to be acknowledge. Look up, smile at us when we enter the room. One touch, a simple caress to show that you know we are there.

It's Valentine's today... I began my day saying 'I hate you' to his sleeping ears. At that point I did hate him. The idiot. Thinks he's God's gift to society. Sharing the joys of his conversation and presence with just about everyone he knows and when his energy runs out came crawling back to me. Or more to the point to his side of the bed. When was the last time he kissed me because he wanted to? I forgot. When was the last time he hugged me just because? Seems like time passed along with my memories... I want to feel loved. I want to know I am loved. He said I want too much from him... I said it is only fair to want to be loved, to know I am loved by the one who pledge to be with me...

Back again...

Been keeping busy so that I will have some excuse not to come here and express myself. I don't really want to complaint much about my life since it is the only one I have. Even if I want to compare my life with another's it won't be the same. Can you actually say that someone's life is better when you don't actually live that life, be that person, think his/her thoughts, make their decisions? I wish I could try living someone else's life for a few days. Someone who is falling in love. To remember what it feels like to be there. The insecurities. The freshness. The overwhelming dizziness of falling in love. To look at someone and feel the butterflies in my tummy. To touch his skin for the very first time. The tingling sensation of the first kiss. The unproductiveness of daydreams....

First Ever Post

Ever feel like you get more from talking to a wall or an inanimate object? I feel that way almost everyday even when I have my significant other by my side. Maybe he is why I feel that way. You know how a person would look at someone but don't really see them. That is how he looks at me. Anyone out there reading this, please, please, please not look at someone you profess to love without really seeing them. It makes them feel invisible. To me that is worse that feeling ugly. I know I am not ugly. A month short of 32 but just the other day someone almost backed into a friend of mine while looking at me. I don't crack mirrors when I stand in front of them but somehow he just doesn't see me. Being female and all, I expect more affection and love with each passing day. Me... I don't even get a kiss or an 'I love you' on our anniversary. Would he have remembered to wish me if I did not wosh him first?

I forget what it feel like to converse with him.. Sometimes I look at him and wonder what to say. Is that normal? Maybe after being together for 11 years we just ran out of things to say to each other besides 'Have you paid the bill' or 'What are we having for dinner tonight?'. I want to go out. Have fun. Dance. Listen to music. Go bowling. Walk on the beach. Gazed at. Kissed.. Hugged... If that's too much to ask.. At least look at me... I am here. Still alive. Still in your life. I want to feel in love. Loved. Cherished. Appreciated. Visible.

I look at myself... What am I now? Reduced to talking to... a blog...

Maybe I will come and write again... Maybe I won't. I might since I want to talk to someone and the one at home won't...